Mumbelina

Clearly my MO is TCOB, if only in a bloggish sense. This post too is about making good on a former blog promise. In this case, I present an entry on my niece, Poe. How about a list?

• Poe is twelve years old. Of course, as her Funcle (fun uncle) I always pretend to forget how old she is, thereby insulting her when I suggest that she could be nine, or in the fourth grade. It works like a charm, and usually elicits a half-meow half-scream of frustration. Then we both crack up at how absurd the sound is.

• Most of Poe's utterings sound like meowing to me, actually, and it's always cracking me up. I guess I'm hardwired to think kids meowing is funny. In fact, I love it so much that when Poe really wants something from me, (she loves to take my cell phone and change the wallpapers on me) sometimes I'll make her ask for it like a tender kitty. You know, a licking-her- paws-and-cleaning-her-face-with-them-while-meowing tender kitty? On other days, I require her to make herself cry. She's quite the actress. Only, it's difficult to make yourself cry when your uncle is trying his hardest to crack you up. My favorite way of lording power over her is to make her give a full bow and flourish, and ask, in an English accent, "Most Royal Highness, might I have the pleasure and honor of both seeing and holding your cellular telephone for a few minutes?" or some such nonsense. She's actually started to turn this little game back on me, when she's got something I want, like a piece of gum, or whatever. Makes me proud to know she's learning.

• The other thing that Poe does is mumble. That's where the title of this post comes from- it's my nickname for her, whereas Poe is usually what her parents call her. "Poe" is an homage to the Teletubbies, one of my niece's favorite things as a baby.

• It's funny, because Poe and I were not quite this close from the start. She's always been a shy girl, and doesn't take kindly to people flitting in and out of her life. When she was young, that's all I did, as I was either away at school, or off on gigs. Even when I was home with family, I was in Buffalo, while she lived in Rochester. She was very standoffish with most everyone, aside from her parents, in fact, and even more so with my scarce self. However, once she figured that she could get you to play teatime, or horsie, or whatever it was with her, she was stuck on you like glue. It's funny how these earliest traits are still present in the twelve year-old, albeit in slightly less extreme forms. Poe is still slow to warm to new people, although she's getting better at it. It's funny, because once she decides to trust you, she completely discards any semblance of a shell and gives you her all. It's quite remarkable, and it's why I think she could make an excellent actress or performer of some sort- once she gets over the hump, she's not scared to try anything.

• That thing about being an actress? I'm not sure it will ever happen. We've encouraged her to try out for the plays and musicals at school, because we know how amazing she'd be, but she's not quite ready to spread her wings amongst cohorts. It's all good, though. She's creative in other ways: she's always writing stories, and imagining and creating things, and reading books. She and Pappy both loved when I'd read to them from the Lemony Snicket series, although I'm not sure if Pappy was quite following the story as much as enjoying the whole experience. Poe, on the other hand, is readily able to see things in her mind- they become very real for her. I loved having that time with them, and I'm just realizing that we're long overdue for another reading session.

• Poe is a tomboy. She refuses to wear any girly clothes. She is very conscious of her appearance, but never in a way that makes sense to her gay uncle, lol. (I guess this is just one of those things I'll never understand.) She loves to play sports, and is involved every season. She skis, plays basketball, soccer, tennis and softball. My brother was an athlete when he was younger, and my SIL's family seems to be all for girls participating in sports, so Poe gets plenty of support and reinforcement for her achievements. I'm pretty jealous for the natural ability she has.

• Poe and I are always betting on one thing or another. Usually, exorbitant amounts of money are involved, but occasionally we'll do realistic bets, when we know we'll win. Either way, it doesn't matter, because one of us always finds a technicality on which to withdraw. Poe also makes up games, a common enough thing for kids. I've even been known to do it, in my day. Lately, one of the games Poe and I have been playing is "I Bet You Can't Get Me On The Couch". It is a feat of unbridled athleticism, and it goes like this: you have to get your opponent onto the living room couch. Simple enough. Until, that is, Poe does THE FACE. See, the best strategy for staying off the couch is to simply become dead weight- a floppy rag doll. Poe knew this from the very beginning, and employs this tactic to stunning success. However, it is not just the dead weight that thwarts her would-be conquerors, but THE FACE which accompanies her flop to the ground. As if privately tutored by Stanislavsky himself, when Poe goes limp, she fully embraces the character of a corpse: her tongue lolls out of her mouth, her eyes roll back, her head lolls around. I've learned that it's nearly impossible to pick up seventy pounds of dead weight when you're doubled over laughing hysterically. Even my brother, The Hulk, had to give it several attempts before he successfully landed Poe on the couch. I wonder if it's these games that I love most about her. I've always liked people who know how to play.

• She is horrible at geography. Sometimes at dinner, we'll have an impromptu geography/general trivia quiz, with me playing Alec Trebek. Every time we do the quiz, I ask her to name the states bordering New York. For whatever reason, she cannot remember them, even though she knows I will ask everytime. We've done this at least a dozen times, and every time she panicky bullshit thing which cracks me up. "Well, you've got your....uhhhh, see there's..... you know, how about that state that........yeah." She hasn't figured out that you can't bullshit me on geography. (Ask the Monday Night Trivia Krew.)

• Many of you already know this, but I have many, many nieces and nephews. Somewhere around twenty-three, or so. However, Poe and Pappy are special to me. Since all of my siblings are at least ten years older than me, their children are, in many cases, closer to me in age than I am to their parents. Poe and Pappy are young enough that we get to enjoy a more usual uncle/niece & nephew relationship, as opposed to their cousins, some of whom are old enough for me to take out partying. (Not that I have.) I get to do fun things with them, like buy them pogosticks for their birthdays, and teach them how to ride bikes and bake, and pick them up from school. They, in turn, keep me young.

So that's the introduction to Poe. I'm sure you'll here more about our adventures in future blogs. Before I go, you can't think I'd let a single family post go by without a Pappy update, can you? The update is this: Pappy still has not touched a lick of meat! He's been taking salads to school for lunch, and my SIL has asked me to teach her how to prepare tofu for him. I still don't know if I've expressed how shocking this is, but just like everyone else in the family, I kind of shrug my shoulders and say, "I guess the kid has decided what he wants!" There's no one like Pappy, and no one like Poe, that's for sure.