How are youse doing? I'll tell you straight up, Poundpapi has needed some type of intervention in the last week. Things have come to a head. He knows he can't keep living like this, and in my first step toward getting off the crack, he's just going to keep it trill with you all.
I have a sugar problem. Yup. I have an ice cream problem. I have a carbohydrate problem. While I jokingly referenced crack in the above paragraph, two days ago, you would have thought the remark appropriate. I started off the day innocuously enough- the usual granola, with some vanilla yogurt and banana thrown in to keep the meal moist. (That was for you, K-Annie.) Actually, that meal was in no way innocuous, because the granola is overly sweetened (you know that shit is true if my desensitized-to-sugar tastebuds can tell) and the yogurt already had enough sugar in it to sweeten the whole experience. In combination with the banana, it set off a chain of events that just spiraled in a downward direction. The problems with eating sugary food are legion:
1. They do not fill you up. Then you wonder why an hour later you are up, wandering in front of the fucking cupboards again, trying to figure out what else you want to eat.
2. Sugary foods start this reaction in me whereby all I want to consume for the rest of the day are other sugary foods. The thought of protein becomes disgusting to me, unless it comes in the form of frozen, sweetened dairy products. The really twisted part is that somehow, my brain chemistry has intertwined these sugary foods with comfort and peacefulness. Of course, the comfort and peace only last as long as I'm shoveling the carbs down my throat. It's really fucking ridiculous the tricks my brain and body pull on me, and while I'm aware of the absurdity of finding comfort in Cream of Wheat (deep and wide, deep and wide, there's a fountain of Cream of Wheat flowing deep and wide- Hallelujah!) the impulse to devour it is just so ridiculously strong. Same with iced cream. In fact, the recipe for Dominick's infantile happiness looks like this:
Milk+Sugar/Weed=Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!
Thank God I haven't had access to weed lately.
3. They really fuck with your mind. Sugar-haze mindset is immediate. Then comes the crash. Two days ago, I took two fucking naps, all about an hour or two after eating hot sugary messes. Earlier in the day, my mom had asked me if I would mind cooking a simple pasta dish for dinner, which she loves eating. I said sure. Come cooking time, I was passed out, and in the process of dragging my ass into the kitchen, I could feel this absurd rage start to bubble within me. The whole time, my inner voice incredulously watched as I slammed pots around and cursed the water for not boiling fast enough. I cursed lack of white wine, moaned about the presence of chicken stock, bitched about the tongs I was using...nothing could make me happy. Of course, inside, I was shocked at my behavior, and laughing all the while, but it was only later that evening that I realized that I was acting like a crack whore. In this case, I was a sugar whore.
So, after hours and hours of reading Mad Organica's archives (check the links) I've decided that I absolutely must take more control over what goes into my body. Here's what I'm thinking:
1. I've sworn off sugar. I will now lightly sweeten with other products when absolutely necessary. Agave syrup, honey, brown rice syrup, whatever. Just no sugar.
2. No more corn syrup, either.
3. I will limit non-whole grains. Short-grain brown rice and whole wheat breads will replace their equivalents in my diet. As for the pasta thing- I'm having trouble with that one, because in my experience, whole wheat pasta is teh suck, but if I can find a better substitute, yay! If not, then I'll just limit how much pasta I eat anyway.
4. Of course, I'll be adding good stuff in order to replace all this shit. That will not be an issue for me, because I've always enjoyed whole foods anyway.
Big as this is, there's even bigger news in Poundpapi land. I'm pretty sure I'm about to become a vegetarian. I'm not yet ready to take the vegan plunge, but I am convinced that I can do vegetarianism easily. I know, this seems unlikely, as I come from the land of Buffalo wings, and my ancestry is that of the pork eaters, but really, I've eaten plenty of meat in my life, and I think I'm ready to let it go. While this is a part of the greater healthy diet plan, the main impetus for this decision is ethical. I've known about the shitty conditions forced upon animals for years now, and I can no longer be conscious and asleep at the same time, neither can I afford organic, local meat raised in humane conditions. (Technically, isn't it the fucked-up factory conditions that should be called 'humane'? I'm sure these animals knew how to live on their own before we bred all that shit out of them.) So I'm giving it up.
I do think I'll be able to source local, humane eggs and dairy products, so I do not plan on giving those up, as I know that a variety in protein sources will help me, at least in this transitional period. However, fish are also off the menu. (I just had a pang of regret as I realized that my beloved Japanese dashi will no longer be available to me. Oh well.)
Saturday will be the big finale to my meat eating career, as, unfortunately, wheels have been set in motion already for a lovely biryani dinner to be cooked for me by my Indian family friend. His lamb biryani is one of the most stellar dishes I've ever eaten, and I can't think of a better way to say so-long to meat and white rice.
I'll be interested to hear the reactions of the Puerto Ricans when I announce my new plans. I know my sister-in-law will be on board, because she already is very mindful of food choices. She's sworn off corn syrup herself recently. Also, since I started the whole chemo thing, folks in my family have been trying to to buy organic stuff more frequently, so this may not be too far out in left field for most of them.
Last night, as I lay in bed, I kind of mentally said goodbye to all the things I wouldn't be eating as a vegetarian. In general, my soul was at peace with the beef, chicken and fish, but pork products (suprising, I know) kept tugging at my heart. A single tear rolled down my face for bacon. Pernil caused my heart to skip a beat. Soppressata and her lovely sister prosciutto- we will miss your porky presence on arugula pizze. Also, I fear for my sanity at Christmas time when pasteles are made, but I'm hoping to create a vegan version by then.
Madness goes on at length about how her switch to veganism has deepened her clarity of mind, and while Maven hasn't been quite as vocal about that stuff to me (probably so she wouldn't come off as preachy to a lifelong meat eater) I'm sure she has plenty to add to this conversation. Anyway, that is the thing I'm looking forward to most. I'll be sure to update you all on any sugar/meat withdrawal I have. I just hope you don't see me on the news for holding up an iced cream truck.
6 comments:
I feel you on the sugar thing. I gave up corn syrup long, long ago, but sometimes the sugary treats hold me hostage when I'm least expecting it...
Good for you on the meat front - the Jew has recently been asking the same questions. He can't give up the meat yet, but is only buying organic, cruelty-free products and eating vegetarian if he doesn't know where it comes from. I gave up fish (again) this winter for the same reasons.
After being a veggie for over 10 years, I can't even imagine picking up a piece of flesh again. However, I do mourn the saltiness of bacon in many a dish...
Damn! I so happy for ju. Before I got to the part about Madness's archives, I was going to suggest you read her stuff about the sugar shock, if nothing else. That stuff is no joke. And it's totally a downward spiral, one that I've experienced plenty. But I think eating the good stuff tends to snowball, too, so that once you start making better decisions, you're more likely to keep on making them.
I haven't written about it yet, but this week I started (yet another) experiment I like to call Weekday Vegan. I'll do it for at least a month and then see if I'm ready to go off the stuff for realsies. Or at least only add cheese when it's time to party, or something.
Summer, of course, is the perfect time to do this kind of thing. Everything is fresher and more delicious, and your body is not wanting all the warm starchy stuff. Another change I suspect is finna come for me is going off coffee. Strange but true. In the past several months I just feel like I've been working through various kinds of dietary resistance--eating shit that I know won't make me feel good because I'm like "fuck it," looking at my food buying patterns and preparation and figuring out how to do it better, reading all that stuff about food sources--and I'm finally starting to shed some of what I don't need.
I'll be thinking about you.
Interesting post! I had no idea you were contemplating giving up meat, and knowing how you enjoy the pig, I have to say - wow! I gave up corn syrup a couple of years ago, but I've done backslid a bit since living with Chandler (although I have inspired him to give up sweetened yogurt, so that's good). Lately, though, we've both realized that our sugar consumption has risen again, and we need to drastically cut down. As you can imagine, this is not easy for the Chan man or the Big Dutch girl.
As for the meat thing, we will never become vegetarians, but we have decided to go the humanely raised route in our own cooking. The expense of that means eating vegetarian most of the time, which we have no problem with. Chan loves him some beans and brown rice! Anyway, please keep us posted on how this goes for you - I imagine as fellow luvas of sugar and meat, you can provide some inspiration for us.
There was a great article in the May 19 New Yorker about eating sustainably, and much of it focused on fish and seafood. Anyone read it, by any chance?
Ain't trying to blow up your spot Dom, but challah French toast? Haaa. I recently tried quinoa pasta, which is much better than whole wheat, unfortunately,
I can only find spaghetti and I long for thick tubes of rigatoni.
Good luck with the corn syrup. That sh*t is in everything!
Not to sound like your sponsor or nothing, but Papi, you just gave yourself the best gift a person can give. There will be ups and downs and detoxing and feelings of depravity, but on the real, if you need any recipes or a good ol'You Got This, I would be more than happy.
Breaking the news to the PR's will be fun, but to be honest for as much flack as you will get, you won't realize how much you will inspire and influence them. The PR staples are easily veganized. The best part of PR food is the sabor anyway from herbs and spices and sofrito. Though I know the pernil will probably be hard. Here's a funny story; A few thanksgivings ago I asked an aunt to make her lentil soup without beef stock.
"Ai no, it won't have any flavor."
"Yes, it will Titi, try it."
"I don't think so. I won't know how to prepare it."
"Just use vegetable stock instead."
"Really? No, I can't."
Anyway, she did and it was out of this world and she said, "I can't believe it's so good."
Seriously, much of the family asks me questions all the time now. My girls stay in NY much of the summer and they cook for them, making them salads, riding bikes with them. My inlaws buy them chocolate milk for some reason and the girls go, That's gross, and they end up tossing it.
Giving up the sugar, for the most part, was my first gift to myself. Then dairy. Then I went vegan and I was elated about how I felt because I could then tell what felt right with my mind and soul and what didn't. It was so much easier than I thought it would be because I just knew that I didn't want to give myself shit anymore, or contribute to shit outside of myself. God, I could go on and on, sorry.
You Got This.
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