Pussycat, no!!!!!!!!!

A pussy almost got smashed at the movies the other night.

I decided to go catch a free double feature at the Cinema Theater. The reason for the season was LGBT Health Week here in Rochester, and ImageOut- the local LGBT film festival decided to toss us a friggin bone in celebration.

I don't know about the theaters you go to, but the ones I go to do not have mascots. In this case, about twenty minutes into the first film, I felt a faint rub on my legs, and before I could give my phone number to the guy sitting two seats down, a kitty emerged from under my legs. Considering that I haven't been pregnant with kitties in ages, I dismissed the notion that I had just given birth, (chemo makes you sterile anyway) and figured that this cat must be the house kitty. Or some dirty alley cat. Either way, it was a chill animal.

Still, aside from the issues of health code, I wondered mostly about the pussy's own safety. There was no sign indicating the possible leg brushing opportunities, and if this theater hadn't been packed to the gills with gaydies and gentlelezzes, I could imagine some freaked-out patron thinking, "Holy shit, this theater's got huge rats!" and kicking the shit out of that poor kitty. As it stood, that kitty got plenty of gay love. In fact, I started to wonder if The Cinema Theater catered to a mostly gay clientele regardless of LGBT film week: a sign behind the criminally cheap snack stand read: NO, WE DO NOT HAVE FRESH MINT FOR YOUR LEMONADE OR ICED TEA. Yup, I think I was on to something. But damn, a nice minty lemonade (lmaonade) would have hit the damn spot! Another thing to add to the menu of my future movie-theater snack stand business.

One final word: why are LGBT films consistently so bad? Is there not a single gay filmmaker who can see past his self-pity? Does the humor always have to be of the '80s drag queen flavor? Does the geeky teen protagonist always get to kiss the hot, previously-straight jock at the end of the film? Anyway, in case any of y'all find yourself in the same theater with the movies "The Curiosity of Chance" or "Houseboy" run for the exits, and try not to step on any pussy on the way out.

In other news, as my story above illustrates, I've actually ventured into the outside world recently. I've run a few errands, wandered around Best Buy, and reacquainted myself with Wegman's. Good stuff! I still get absurdly tired after about a half-hour of activity, to the point where I have to plan in advance a suitable napping/crashing place, but it's nice not to be stuck in the house anymore. Next up on the menu? My doctor will consult the oracle that is yesterday's CT scans (wow, subject-verb agreement was tricky there, and I'm still not sure it's right) and divine the future for me.

Holla!