Yesterday at noon o' clock I checked into Strong Memorial Hospital to begin my Autologous Stem Cell Transplant.

Strange that I haven't blogged in so long, when obviously great things were happening for me, and now, in the midst of what seems to be disaster, I pick up the pen again. I do know that I'm in the middle of something huge, momentous, life-changing, though, and I want to honor it by taking in and remembering even the little details along the way.

Furthermore, who is to say that being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at 30 years old is a disaster? Certainly, there will be some discomfort involved to say the least, but should I question the wisdom of my life's path? Isn't facing mortality at such a young age a gift if you can come away from it alive? So, I want to remember and affirm that I am supposed to be here, despite what the old man sitting next to me at the cancer center told me. Conventional wisdom says I shouldn't be here. So much for conventional wisdom.

Now for details.

1. Day 1: Not terrible at all. As I mentioned, they had me come in at noon, although 2 would have been better so that we wouldn't have been waiting around for them to clean my room up. My plans of going to the Apple Store and Best Buy were sidetracked, so maybe a hot UPS guy will deliver my desires to me instead. Actually, hot UPS guy will have to hand them off to hot nurse guy to give to me, I'm pretty sure, as they won't let just anyone in my room.

The whole checking into the hospital thing was eerily similar to my first move into the dorms at Ithaca. Nervous, young, loaded with bags of clothes and Cds, I had to navigate new people, places, and the feeling of leaving something behind. Thinking of this room as a dorm room takes the edge off being in the hospital, as have the nurses, who are pretty cool so far. There was one young nurse yesterday who seemed like she had the potential for good conversating (lollerskates) so hopefully she'll be visiting me often. My social worker Mike is also good to shoot the shit with. He looks like a hedgehog, but is attractive through sheer confidence. Or whatever it is he has.

Last night, they hooked me up to the IV pole to give me my first chemo. This one is called BCNU, or carmustine. It's mixed with a little bit of alcohol, strangely enough, and considering that it's going straight into my jugular (thank you central venous cathet) I was feeling a bit buzzy last night. Combined with the IV benadryl, I was out cold by 8:30.

Of course, that lasted all of 1/2 a dream. They wake you up here every four hours at least to take your vitals, suck your blood, measure your piss (yup, I get to piss in a plastic jug) and all of that fun stuff. Is it now that I should mention my deep respect for nurses and techs? Doing this job while minimizing the patient's self-consciousness and your own queasiness is a gift, and they got it. (Culo cagao. Ooooh!!! That reminds me- there an ass-washing spritz here in the bathroom, which is hilarious to me. Or should I be scared that they're expecting a time to come when I'll need to use it? I should LOL while I can, huh? Here is the delicately worded label:

Please notice, if you can on the "Personal Cleanser" label, it is a No-rinse, one-step cleaning for perineum or body. We all know that's for your ass. Plus your perineum. As for body? Isn't that just there to make folks feel better about ass spray? I'm in your perineum, eating your poopz!)








Valtrex
Fluconazole
Actigall
Protonix
Fragmin (Heparin shot)
Emend anti-nausea
Decadron steroid
Kytril
IV Magnesium

(Sorry- I just got a visit from the lovely Adrianna, my nurse for this morning, and she rattled off the list of meds I swaller in the morning and I figured this was as good a place as any to take notes. Valtrex- sounds like a pretty name for an intergalactic girl, dunnit?)

Back to my nurse. She's cute and blond. All I could think about was the whole situation in The World According to Garp where a nurse uses a comatose patient's huge penis to impregnate herself with a huge penised baby. Pretty cool- although most guys would prefer to be awake during the fantastic voyage. Btw- why do both John Irving books I've read (Garp and Owen Meany- there may be more, but I forget) feature characters with huge schlongs? What does it all mean?

On Thursday night, as we were sitting 'round the dinner table with the brother's family, I was trying to figure out a computer situation for my hospital stay. The dinosauric PC laptops in my mom's house were not going to cut it. DVD functionality and RAM were almost non-existant. Also, they did not support this great feature on my new Netflix account where you can watch movies instantly over a broadband connection. So, we did an amazing thing...

Twenty minutes later at the Apple Store, I was picking out a loaner laptop. David said he would be buying one for the kids in the future anyway, so he'd just buy it now, and let me use it for however long I needed. I can haz cumputer.

So we're in there, and I'm checking out the laptops- clearly coveting a MacBook Pro with a MacBook Air strapped onto the top just to make it more better, but showing modesty and asking about the lowly MacBooks. David wanders over, and says that in reality, he thinks he should buy a desktop for the kids, in which case, I should just pick out a laptop for myself. CLUTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, we decide on a top of the line MacBook (white- I ain't paying for black paint, sexy as it is) and get cashed out with a lovely discount thanks to Aida's school enrollement. (Shout out to the University of Rochester Medical Center for my stem cells and computer!) When the sales rep noted that we had saved $100 on the computer thanks to Aida, David said, "I thought it was supposed to be $200?"

"No- that was for the MacBook Pros. MacBooks get $100 off."

"Well shit, if it's only going to boil down to a $300 difference between the two, maybe we should just get a MacBook Pro."

cues Beyonce's "Upgrade You"

Inside voice- "Yes, my precioussssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Outside voice: "Sure, dude- if that's what you want to do."

And so after exactly 1 minute of MackBook ownership, I had to relinquish it, only to receive the much greater gift sitting in my lap currently. I hearts the MacBook Pro.

(Which reminds me, have you all seen the clips of Lily Tomlin freaking at the director on the set of I Heart Huckabees? If not, go to Youtube and check it out. If only I could have gotten away with that at Virginia Opera.)

So yeah, I'm pretty much a pimp. And by me being a pimp, I mean, I have a great brother. Actually, I have both great brothers and sisters. Getting to see the tender sides of these people when our relationships have often been guarded and distant (in my case geographically and otherwise) has been wonderful.

Alright, I think I'll be making a beat today on my new 'Pro. Suggestions for names of the new baby are welcome, by the way. As for Netflix Watch Now capability, that argument held no weight to begin with, intent as I was on getting a Mac, because support for OS X has yet to be released. Of course, I could just install Windoze on this thing too, but first of all, why would I profane a machine like this with such doodoo, and second of all, I have about 3 discs of the first season of Deadwood coming with my mama today, so having stuff to watch is the least of my worries.

One last computer thing- this laptop has a built-in camera, which means that for those of you with either AIM or .Mac accounts and a webcam, we can have video chats and conference chats. Amazing, no? So, my .Mac info is domper@mac.com. I'm not sure if you need to have iChat for this to work, but I also have Adium, which basically hooks up with all of the chat clients, so that shouldn't be a problem. Send me your infoz, and we'll see what happens.

Alright, I've got to get going. I've got a lot of nothing to do, 'nawmean? More tales from the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit later.